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Losing it can cause an energy vampire to do the same and make you feel worse about yourself.
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Remain cool, calm and collected when dealing with an energy vampire, Northrup says. “So you can sit limits and not just sit there and take it.” “It’s really important to know the difference between venting (is accountable to their role in the problem and looking for a solution or resolution) and dumping (think unintelligible rant),” Orloff says. Energy vampires constantly dump their frustrations, irritations, annoyances, bad days and negative feelings on others.
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Know the difference between “venting” and “dumping.” Everybody needs to voice frustration now and again.Don’t give them the response (whether it be your open ear, your sympathy or your support) that they’re looking for and they’ll lose interest. Act like a grey rock around them, Northrup says. “They do not want to be around somebody who doesn’t have energy to give back.” “They will go to another source immediately,” Northrup says. Northrup calls this strategy “broken wing.” When an energy vampire tries to bend your ear, tell them you feel under the weather or really tired. Avoid bearing your soul to that person to protect yourself from feeling disappointed when they don’t meet you with the understanding you’re looking for. If you’re dealing with a narcissist, know that these people are not capable of being empathetic toward you, Orloff says. Set beginning and end times, Northrup says. Maybe going out to lunch or coffee is bearable, but inviting that individual to your house is just too much. Know what types of activities work well and which ones don’t, and plan accordingly. Text or use a messaging app, rather than making plans over the phone. If it’s an ex-spouse who you still need to communicate with - perhaps if you have children - communicate as little as possible and use technology to your advantage, she adds. If they’re not someone you can’t avoid (such as a boss or a family member), cut off contact with the person, Northrup says. Cut them out of your life (if you can).(Northrup spent 25 years practicing obstetrics and gynecology and now focuses on being an advocate for women’s health and wellness.) But Christiane Northrup, MD, author of the recent book "Dodging Energy Vampires," explains that energy vampire characteristics do tend to map to “cluster B” personality disorders - the ones where people tend to have dramatic, overly emotional or erratic thinking or behavior - which are fairly common, she says. (She’s also author of a book on the topic, "The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People".)Įnergy vampire isn’t a clinical term or diagnosis currently. Unsurprisingly those most often targeted are the sensitive, compassionate, always-see-the-good-in-people types of people, Orloff says. What energy vampires all have in common is they “feed on” (or manipulate) people who will give them air space and open ears. And there’s the downright psychopathic criminal.
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There’s the manipulative coworker who doesn’t care who she steps on to get ahead. There’s the narcissistic drama queen friend who’s always dealing with one crisis or another. There are different types and they fall on a spectrum, she adds.